In the 1973 film Blade, Detective Tommy Blade (not to be confused with the vampire hunter Blade, that’s a completely different Blade) uses a small gun that looks like a pen to kill a guy who’s been going around beating young women to death in New York City. I only bring it up because I want to make it clear right off the bat that the line of UZI Tactical Pens (or TacPens for short) don’t shoot bullets or anything like that. But they do have the durability and precision of top-flight military hardware, and according to UZI are outfitted with special features that just might save your life.
Those features include glass-breakers and handcuff keys, as well as an actual writing implement that the company says can be used as self-defense as well as writing (just watch the scene of Jon Stewart getting killed in The Faculty as a handy how-to video). But the most novel feature included in the UZI Tactical Pens is the “DNA Catcher,” which is a sharp crown that can inflict pain on an attacker, and collect skin tissue that can be used in DNA analysis later on. That’s called thinking ahead.
You can check out the entire line of UZI Tactical Pens at the UZI online store here, where they range from $16 to $40, depending on model. If you’re still not convinced, go try to win a fight with your Office Depot rollerball and come back.