If you’re sick and tired of your coddled, effeminate, inadequate, and embarrassing shovel, there’s now a shovel that can meet anyone’s standards of masculinity and productivity. It comes in the form of The Alpha Shovel, billed on Kickstarter as “the most badass shovel for everyone.”
The Alpha Shovel can be used not just as a shovel, but to cut through hard surfaces as well. It’s built to be indestructible and to last for life, making it purportedly “the last shovel you’ll ever need.” It’s especially good at shoveling snow, which unfortunately you may have to start doing soon if you haven’t already.
In any case, you can pre-order The Alpha Shovel at the product’s Kickstarter listing right here, for the next 41 days. Prices start at just under a hundred dollars and up, with deliveries slated to begin in June of next year—so maybe you won’t use it to shovel any snow this winter after all.