Here’s an idea for a Star Wars movie: C-3PO’s lifeless body is found stuffed inside of a utility shaft on board a Rebel spacecraft. No one knows who did it, but all the suspects are also on board, and it’s up to them to find the identity of the murderer before he or she strikes again. Now that I got you all psyched up, I should let you know that this, bafflingly, is not the plot of the new Star Wars Clue board game.
No, despite the fact that entire planets (not to mention Death Stars) are routinely destroyed in the Star Wars universe, a good old-fashioned murder mystery has evidently been ruled out even for a Star Wars riff on Clue. Instead, Star Wars Clue involves escaping from the Death Star with a copy of those top-secret Death Star plans everybody’s running around for in the first Star Wars movie. Gameplay takes place on a three-dimensional model of the Death Star, players choose between Princess Leia, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewbacca, C-3PO, and R2-D2, and whoever figures out the Death Star’s next target and where those plans are hidden first wins.
You can order a copy of Star Wars Clue direct from Hasbro right here. And if any Hollywood execs are out there reading this, I’m available to write a treatment of my Star Wars whodunit—have your people call my people.